


Misery Fell

by Grace_The_Fangirl



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Phantom Lord, i wrote this before i even watched magic games arc, its bad, just my shit headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 12:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace_The_Fangirl/pseuds/Grace_The_Fangirl
Summary: Levy asks Gajeel about Phantom Lordthis is based off my bad head canons and is pretty old





	Misery Fell

“What was it like in Phantom Lord?” Levy asks suddenly, Gajeel visibly stiffened when she asked. “I- i mean if you don't want to tell me i understand-”

 

“Its.. Fine.. Depends on what you want to know short stuff.. Members? The master? Rules?” Gajeel sounded tired as he spoke, he hated thinking about that place. It made him feel an odd mixture of sick and fear.. Mixed with (no matter how much he hated himself for feeling like that) nostalgia.

 

“O-oh um.. What did you think of it there..?”

Gajeel's gaze darkens, he openes his mouth to speak, but bites his tongue, and seems to think for a moment, then he speaks.  “Hellish…. Wouldn't even begin to describe it… it was terrifying, but at the same time… enjoyable” he choked out that word. Disgusted with himself for thinking that “It was every man for himself, and.. I wasn't really in the right state of mind while i was there….” Even now, he was still struggling with abandonment issues… they weren't nearly as bad as before, he knew fairy tail wouldn't leave him, but that didn't stop the anxious thoughts that filled his mind sometimes. “Levy.. I... ” Gajeel looked pained as he spoke. “I was scared… but at the same time i was happy? And.. And… and i enjoyed hurting others…” his eyes were shut tightly. He felt sick “i was a sick bastard.. And… i enjoyed people fearing me.. And… and i liked how it felt to be in control of people…. What was wrong with me?!? Why did i enjoy it?!? Why was i like that? I was an ignorant stupid bastard!  I was so stupid… stupid STUPID  **STUPID** **_STUPID_ ** **.** ”

 

“Gajeel..” Levy murmured, putting her hand on his arm.

 

“And master Jose… he… he would force us to fight each other… the loser was sometimes killed in those fights.. A-and if we did anything to cross him he would… one of the things he did was hang you by your feet from the ceiling and allow the members to do whatever they pleased to you.. And he would do other things…  and- and- and- and once I bet against him in a fight and-” Gajeel gasped for breath, having not breathed that entire time. “He.. He.. He..” Gajeel was trembling. Levy had never seen him like this. So.. Worked up before. it was terrifying.

“Gajeel you don't need to go on.. I brought this up you don't have to contin-”

“i was 15 damnit.. I was so fucking  _ young _ and he fucking…” Levy rubbed circles on his back, trying to calm him down “He  _ took advantage of me _ and… and…” 

 

“Gajeel…” Levy murmured, she had never seen this side of him before. 

 

“Metalicana had just abandoned me a few months prior.. I was alone.. I was scared… i screamed for that fucking dragon to come save me until my throat was raw.. i was just a kid dammit… i didn't know any better… and he didn't.. Come...”

Levy gasped, Gajeel never spoke about the dragon. Ever. He was never this open about his past. Gajeel talked about anything and everything except Phantom Lord.. And now she knew why. She was about to speak but Gajeel kept talking

“Once I was stabbed because i bumped a guy's table… the man cracked the bottle over my head then gutted me.. i nearly died that day.. I was laying on the floor of the guild hall.. Bleeding.. No one stopped... Some kicked me, other laughed.. As a 16 year old kid bled out on the floor… If it wasn't for Juvia…. I.. I would be dead dammit... She was the first person to ever show me kindness in years… i had forgotten what it was like.. She was so  _ nice  _ and i just kept pushing her away because i was scared.. I was scared that she would abandon me like that fucking dragon did… but she kept trying… she kept being nice… and i kept pushing her away…” Gajeel’s voice was little more than a whisper now. “I was so scared i was going to be hurt that one day I just yelled at her to leave me alone and that i didn't want her company.. And she did… she stopped talking to me.. And that was the thing that broke me.. I turned into a monster… i just wanted others to feel like i did… lonely.. Abandoned… broken… and i was so wrong… i was so horrible…. I don't deserve you.. I don't deserve anyone..” he looked so close to tears, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. His voice wavering as he spoke “Everything past that points a blur really… i don't… really want to remember it anyway..” Gajeel took a moment to breath, his hand funding Levy’s. While a slight blush crept up her face, she kept her cool. She was about to speak when Gajeel started again “and…” he took a deep breath “and i remember there was a rule.. That if you were granted mercy in a fight than you were worthless.. A plight to the guild…  There was a boy… he couldn't have been much older than Wendy is… There was a guild.. They didn't kill him… So Jose did.. And he just  _ slaughtered  _ the boy like he was some form of entertainment… livestock even” Gajeel was crying now, tears flowing out of his eyes “He was just a kid.. Just a fucking kid.. and then we were attacking fairy tail and Natsu asked if Metalicana had disappeared July 7th X777… and i just broke… i just broke… i shattered like a glass because it wasn't a coincidence that they disappeared together… I spent YEARS hating him.. And it wasn't his fault he left- and- and- then Juvia came to see me… and she saw how much of a disaster i was… She… she  _ still  _ cared… even after... Even after i yelled at her.. She still bothered with me.. And you… you forgave me even after…” Levy didn't like where this was going “That night i hurt you… what i did.. Was unforgivable… Im sorry… im so sorry…. I'm so so sorry… i hurt you.. And i enjoyed doing it.. What the fuck was wrong with me.. What kind of.. Of  _ monster  _ does!?! I was an idiot.. A stupid fucking idiot who deserves to die for what he did..” And suddenly, Levy was very worried. ‘'Deserves to die’ what was he talking about? “I… i'm so sorry…. Why did you forgive me.. I don't deserve you… i marked you.. I… i... ” Gajeel was having trouble forcing words out of his mouth. He was trembling, But despite that, despite everything, she hugged him. Cutting off his darkening train of thought. 

“Shhh… you don't need to go on.. Shh… i forgave you long ago Gajeel.. ” Gajeel pulled her closer into a bear hug, and just started sobbing. He had bottled up this shit for years, and he finally had exploded. 

 

Levy felt guilty, she had brought up phantom lord, Gajeel was always so… Gajeel. And now he was crying. Because she had asked a stupid question.

“M’sor-”

“Shhhh….” Levy rubbed his back gently. She thought about what he said, and was surprised that she was angry. Angry at the world for hurting Gajeel. Angry at Jose. His breaths were quick and uneven, she felt his tears soaking through her shirt… At least she hoped they were tears...

“Breath Gajeel.. Shhh…. It's okay…. It's okay now… i forgive you… Shhh… shhh…..” 

Gajeel was crushing her he was hugging her so tight, but she didn't mind. The dragon slayer needed this, he had held this in for a 4th of his life. He needed to get it out of his system… even if it meant him crushing her alive.

 

There was a knock at the door suddenly. Levy cursed there bad timing. She suddenly remembered that Jet and Droy were planning on stopping by for dinner, she had completely forgotten…

  
  


She wasn't going to leave Gajeel, especially since he was finally opening up to her in ways he hadn't before. She hoped Jet and Droy would leave, but they knocked again. This time it was followed by a voice. “Levy open up!” Gajeel stiffened, she started to pull away. Opening her mouth to say she would go tell them it's a bad time, but Gajeel pulled her closer. “Please don't leave…” she heard him whisper. 

“Levy i'm coming in if you don't come!” she heard Jet say, but Gajeel made no move to letting her go.

She heard the jingle of keys and then the lock click, the door swung open. Jet stepped in and his jaw dropped when he saw them.

She felt Gajeel tence, and he pulled away quickly. He was a mess, his eyes bloodshot and puffy, face flushed and trails of tears on his cheeks, he looked mortified, and Levy felt something twinge inside her as he quickly smeared the tears off his face, and stood up, dashing to the bathroom. He couldn't be seen like this. What the fuck was he doing? Sobbing like that. Damnit…

  
  


Levy turned to them, livid. “Jet what the hell! You can't just do that! What made you think it was okay to just come in like that- do you even care about privacy?”

 

Jet stared at her like she was from another planet. Mouth in an o shape. “Was that- Gajeel-”

 

“Yes. It was. And i advise you to get out of my apartment before i force you out!” She was worried about him, her heart hammering in her chest. 

“Gajeel's here?” She heard Droy say, as he pushed past Jet, levy glared at them. “So you would rather be with him that us is it?”

Jet opened his mouth to stop him.

“I still don't understand why you spend so much time with him! He hurt you levy! He hurt all of us! But you're always with him. Levy we had plans! So why is he here! And why didn't you answer the door?!?”

“Get. Out. Of. My. Apartment.” Levy said.

“Not until you tell us exactly why you didn't come answer the door-” Jet put his hand on Droy's shoulder. 

“We are leaving Droy.” 

“No! Not until Levy tells me what's going on and why it's so important we leave!”

“Look. Gajeel right now..” She glared at them “Hasn't had the best week. He came to me because he trusts me, and you two need to leave.” Levy glared daggers at them “So just leave. Please.”

Droy stared at her, but Jet hauled him out of her apartment, and when they were outside Jet turned to him. “Gajeel was a wreck. He looked like you When we heard about tenrou. This is Gajeel im talking about… Droy he was crying.. Something happened and we walked in on them. And what were you thinking talking about how Gajeel did that? That was 7 years ago! We forgave him when he blocked laxus’s lightning. He saved Levy on Tenrou!” 

Droy stared at him. “But he still hurt her. Did you forget how he looked at us? His expression as he hurt us? I know that that's in the past but-”

“Did you hear a single thing i said!” Jet snapped at him. “He was crying Droy. Lets just go okay? He could probably hear you you know!” Jet stormed away dragging Droy with him.

  
  
  
  
  


Levy hurried to the bathroom Gajeel had locked himself in. “Gajeel.. Can I come in?”

There was muffled talking from the other side of the door, but Levy couldn't make out what was said. “Gajeel could you repeat that?”

“Leave me alone” His voice was muffled. 

“Gajeel we both know that isn't happening”

“Jus’leave me be” 

Gajeel hadn't moved from his spot by the spot by the door. He didn't even try to hold back the tears now. They dripped of his chin and onto his shirt. He wanted to be alone but at the same time he desperately wanted reassurance. It was like he was being torn in half mentally.

“Gajeel.. I'm not going to leave you.”

All she heard was muffled sobbing from the other side of the door, she contemplated entering but didn't. “Gajeel I'll make hot chocolate.” 

Gajeel was silent for a moment, but there was shuffling on the other side of the door. The door opened, Gajeel looked horrible. His eyes were bloodshot and his face blotchy and red. It was clear he was holding back tears. “hey.. You okay? Jet and Droy are gone you know”

 

“Yeah.. I heard them leave..” She heard Gajeel mutter, his voice wavering horribly. Dried trails of tears covered his face, they looked out of place among his piercings. Levy suddenly hugged him tightly. 

“I'm here for you Gajeel…” he nodded, fearing that if he spoke he might break down again.

Levy pulled away, smiling at him. She pulled him to the couch, and then went to make hot chocolate. She returned with two mugs, and sat next to him. 

“So” she said offering him the mug “You doing okay? I'm sorry that those two just walked in like that..”

He didn't respond

“thank you” Gajeel finally said.

“What for?” Levy said, smiling at him “It's what friends are for….Gajeel I'm sorry that I brought Phantom Lord up in the first place.. It was horribly inconsiderate of me.”

“Levy it's fine.. Just.. Don't mention this to anyone okay?” Gajeel sounded incredibly small with his voice wavering like that.

“I promise I won't.. Now do you have anything else you want to tell me? You can tell me anything Gajeel..”

“No… not right now anyway.. Can we just forget this happened....”

“No. Now drink your hot chocolate. crying dehydrates you extremely fast-”

“Levy why do you care so much about me? I hurt you so many times-”

Levy pressed a finger to his mouth effectively shushing him.

“You saved me on Tenrou. You willingly threw yourself in front of Laxus’s lightning. You're a total badass when you're fighting and hell, Gajeel we’re in the same guild. That makes is family.Gajeel, I forgave you because you deserve forgiving. Okay?”

“Okay.” Gajeel replied. “Promise me you aren't lying. Promise me you don't just feel sorry for me. That you won't suddenly decide i'm not worth your time and just leave me.” Gajeel sounded serious, despite that his voice was wavering still.

“I promise.” 

He seemed to visibly relax at this like it was a revelation, he sipped the hot chocolate. Remembering that Levy had made it. It was a well known fact that Levy made the best hot chocolate in fairy tail. She smiled at him.

“You going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.. Just need a bit…”

She wasn't going to leave Gajeel. He has been holding in all of this for who knows how long. She never would have guessed just how horrible Phantom Lord was... Or that Gajeel had gone through that. She hoped Jet and Droy would leave, but they knocked again. This time it was followed by a voice. “Levy open up!” Gajeel stiffened, she started to pull away. Opening her mouth to say she would go tell them it's a bad time, but Gajeel pulled her closer. “Please don't leave…” she heard him whisper.

“Levy i'm coming in if you don't come!” she heard Jet say, but Gajeel made no move to letting her go.

She heard the jingle of keys and then the lock click, the door swung open. Jet stepped in and his jaw dropped when he saw them.

She felt Gajeel tence, and he pulled away quickly. He was a mess, his eyes bloodshot and puffy, face flushed and trails of tears on his cheeks, he looked mortified, and Levy felt something twinge inside her as he quickly smeared the tears off his face, and stood up, dashing to the bathroom. He couldn't be seen like this. What the fuck was he doing? Sobbing like that. Damnit…

Levy turned to them, livid. “Jet what the hell! You can't just do that! What made you think it was okay to just come in like that- do you even care about privacy?”

Jet stared at her like she was from another planet. Mouth in an o shape. “Was that- Gajeel-”

“Yes. It was. And i advise you to get out of my apartment before i force you out!” She was worried about him, her heart hammering in her chest.

“Gajeel's here?” She heard Droy say, as he pushed past Jet, levy glared at them. “So you would rather be with him that us is it?”

Jet opened his mouth to stop him.

“I still don't understand why you spend so much time with him! He hurt you levy! He hurt all of us! But you're always with him. Levy we had plans! So why is he here! And why didn't you answer the door?!?”

“Get. Out. Of. My. Apartment.” Levy said.

“Not until you tell us exactly why you didn't come answer the door-” Jet put his hand on Droy's shoulder.

“We are leaving Droy.”

“No! Not until Levy tells me what's going on and why it's so important we leave!”

“Look. Gajeel right now..” She glared at them “Hasn't had the best week. He came to me because he trusts me, and you two need to leave.” Levy glared daggers at them “So just leave. Please.”

Droy stared at her, but Jet hauled him out of her apartment, and when they were outside Jet turned to him. “Gajeel was a wreck. He looked like is when we heard about tenrou. This is Gajeel im talking about… Droy he was crying.. Something happened and we walked in on them. And what were you thinking talking about how Gajeel did that? That was 7 years ago! We forgave him when he blocked laxus’s lightning. He saved Levy on Tenrou!”

Droy stared at him. “But he still hurt her. Did you forget how he looked at us? His expression as he hurt us? I know that that's in the past but-”

“Did you hear a single thing i said!” Jet snapped at him. “He was crying Droy. Lets just go okay? He could probably hear you you know!” Jet stormed away dragging Droy with him.

Gajeel didn't hear when They knocked. He didn't hear when Jet spoke through the door, all noise was static in his ears. The sobs that tore through him were violent and made his whole body shake with effort. He gasped for breath, but he couldnt stop crying. Every time he thought he could stop, everything just came rushing back and more and more tears soaked into Levys shirt. She didn't pull away or tell him to man up, she just held him, rubbing his back and it just felt so.. good for her to hug him. Comforting. Normal. Even while he was sobbing like this everything just felt right with her here. He wasn't alone. She wasn't going to leave him. Even with the self-depreciating thoughts running around inside his head, he was with Levy. Thank goodness he was with Levy. She tried to pull away but he stopped her, Nervous that she was going to leave him "Please don't leave.." He whispered. His voice shaking worse than he was. He felt lightheaded, and He was hiccuping occasionally. Then suddenly, he was jerked back to reality when he heard the all two loud noise of keys rattleing, the door swung open and Gajeel pulled away, only to see Jet staring at him.

Embarrassment, Fear, Confusion.. He felt mortified. He stood up and bolted away, he was in the bathroom in seconds. He sat agienst the door, staring off into space. He whimpered and closed his eyes. He felt sobs rise in his throat But he choked them back, his nails digging into the fingerless gloves he was wearing. He could hear Levy yelling at Jet and Droy out there.  
This was all his fault.  
'I still don't understand why you spend so much time with him! He hurt you levy! He hurt all of us! But you're always with him. Levy we had plans!.." Gajeel pressed his hands to his ears, trying to drown out the arguing. This is his fault. It is his fault Levy was mad at Jet and Droy, he felt sick. He had hurt them hadnt he? He had crucified them to tree. Jet and Droy had every reason to hate him.

Levy hurried to the bathroom Gajeel had locked himself in. “Gajeel.. Can I come in?”

There was muffled talking from the other side of the door, but Levy couldn't make out what was said. “Gajeel could you repeat that?”

“Leave me alone” His voice was muffled.

“Gajeel we both know that isn't happening”

“Jus’leave me be”

Gajeel hadn't moved from his spot by the spot by the door. He didn't even try to hold back the tears now. They dripped of his chin and onto his shirt. He wanted to be alone but at the same time he desperately wanted reassurance. It was like he was being torn in half mentally.

“Gajeel.. I'm not going to leave you.”

All she heard was muffled sobbing from the other side of the door, she contemplated entering but didn't. “Gajeel I'll make hot chocolate.”

Gajeel was silent for a moment, but there was shuffling on the other side of the door. The door opened, Gajeel looked horrible. His eyes were bloodshot and his face blotchy and red. It was clear he was holding back tears. “hey.. You okay? Jet and Droy are gone you know”

“Yeah.. I heard them leave..” She heard Gajeel mutter, his voice wavering horribly. Dried trails of tears covered his face, they looked out of place among his piercings. Levy suddenly hugged him tightly.

“I'm here for you Gajeel…” he nodded, fearing that if he spoke he might break down again.

Levy pulled away, smiling at him. She pulled him to the couch, and then went to make hot chocolate. She returned with two mugs, and sat next to him.

“So” she said offering him the mug “You doing okay? I'm sorry that those two just walked in like that..”

He didn't respond

“thank you” Gajeel finally said.

“What for?” Levy said, smiling at him “It's what friends are for….Gajeel I'm sorry that I brought Phantom Lord up in the first place.. It was horribly inconsiderate of me.”

“Levy it's fine.. Just.. Don't mention this to anyone okay?” Gajeel sounded incredibly small with his voice wavering like that.

“I promise I won't.. Now do you have anything else you want to tell me? You can tell me anything Gajeel..”

“No… not right now anyway.. Can we just forget this happened....”

“No. Now drink your hot chocolate. crying dehydrates you extremely fast-”

“Levy why do you care so much about me? I hurt you so many times-”

Levy pressed a finger to his mouth effectively shushing him.

“You saved me on Tenrou. You willingly threw yourself in front of Laxus’s lightning. You're a total badass when you're fighting and hell, Gajeel we’re in the same guild. That makes is family.Gajeel, I forgave you because you deserve forgiving. Okay?”

“Okay.” Gajeel replied. “Promise me you aren't lying. Promise me you don't just feel sorry for me. That you won't suddenly decide i'm not worth your time and just leave me.” Gajeel sounded serious, despite that his voice was wavering still.

“I promise.”

He seemed to visibly relax at this like it was a revelation, he sipped the hot chocolate. Remembering that Levy had made it. It was a well known fact that Levy made the best hot chocolate in fairy tail. She smiled at him.

“You going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine.. Just need a bit…”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SO HORRIBLE GAH


End file.
